Why Journal?

I have always kept a journal and it provides great therapeutic value to me. After my concussion in 2020, I journaled a lot, and I shared it on the blog I had at the time.

With everything I have been through since 2020, one challenge I have faced regularly is a feeling of being alone. Finding someone who can relate… feels impossible. So I choose to share my thoughts and ideas, some of my journal entries, because if one person can feel less alone by the chaos in my mind, then I have done some good.

1/31/25

Rarely, but there are times I’ll reflect on my experience recovering from brain surgery. It’s interesting the things I remember. What is strange though is the many images in my memory that I recall from an observers perspective. Walking through the halls (of the hospital) with the Physical Therapist, me with my walker. I recall this both from 1st Person view but also 3rd Person. I can see me laying in bed, trying to rest elevated (which was brutal). And sitting in my chair in pain (this one particular day when I was challenged with getting my pain meds refilled). It’s so interesting, my memory of this time.

Why do we recall things in this way? Is this a trauma response? Or was I simply on too many drugs? It can’t be drugs because I recall the day I learned I needed radiation therapy. After that call, I sat by this man-made pond and cried over my taco. This memory is strongest as if I am watching it happen to someone else. Same when I learned of the tumors and my immediate panic attack that followed. I was not on medication for either of these events.

I am in pain, everyday. How do I move on? How do I not let this consume me? (how do I not let my reality inconvenience someone else) How? When the pain is there to remind me, Every Single Day.